What an eventful week, band practices every day, a performance today, six tests, i certainly never ran out of things to do. As for the concert we just had tonight, id say it was a mild success. There were plenty of errors, and our teacher was... Fuming, but the parents seemed to enjoy it. And what parent doesn't love seeing there kid make music?....
I was jovial and laughable afterward, but i still don't feel like i fit in with that group of people. Ill just suck it up though, for now, im quite adept at complaining about frivolous things.
I was talking to one of my closest (not very close anymore) friends earlier that day as we walked by Her, i supposed he felt inclined to bring her up because of this. Anyways, he told me all about how he was still friends with her just because her other friends forced him to or something. Which, im sorry, but thats alot of bull.
I love this friend, but i know how he acts around her, ive seen their conversations, he's even said some pretty mean stuff about me to her. Which i understand, everyone wants to be friends with the attractive girl who talks about sex. This has kind of been one of the things that been getting to me lately, all my friends are friends with her. Now many people are in similar situations, but ive seen some of the things they've said about me to her, and it just makes me think.. Are these people really my friends?
I wont tell them these thoughts, it'd just upset everyone.
Something else that's been on my mind, these past two weeks have been really odd. Perhaps its just that ive been so busy, but it feels like im in a really crazy dream, and i cant wake up. Maybe i just need more sleep, or maybe......... Im in Inception..
Everyone as of late seems to regard me the same way they would a........ Ugly Duckling? I couldnt really come up with a good analogy, but im just treated like an outsider. Which i usually am, but now it just feels... unusual.
We'll see what happens.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Thoughts On Valentines Day
Here we are once again, the most romantic day of the year, everything is red and Plush. Lovers give each other huge bouquets of roses and giant cards. And then there's me, the cynical loner, just taking it all in. To me, Valentines Day is amusing. Some of the gifts people give each other are ridiculous, and the dependance on material things is baffling.
To me, Love isnt "oh here's some super expensive jewelry, let's go have sex" (yes, I'm stereotyping). If I wanted to show some one I loved them, I'd write a poem, sing them a song, take them to a beautiful place, and just tell them. Love doesn't need expensive things, I mean jewelry is nice, but there's much more truthful ways to get the point across.
A girl told me today that I was her Valentine, in all truth I was horrified. Not at her, she was a very very nice girl, but at the fact that she felt that way, that she looked up to me. I'm a terrible person. So I took her on a walk and explained what had been going on in my life, and I told her that I was just not in the right emotional state for a relationship. Now if I told my friends about this they would have said "what da hell bro!?!? If you're trying to move on than you need to find someone new."
This is true to an extent, It would help. But for one thing, I didn't like her as anything more than a friend, and I would have given her an awful relationship, I'd just be using her to help myself, and no one deserves that.
I truly hope she isn't upset, people tend to lie about their feelings in situations like that.
So overall it was a rather lonely Valentines, but I didn't expect anything more.
Another thing, not washing your hair for a day to make it softer is bull, and really gross. Trust me, especially with hair like mine.
Goodnight, use a condom.
To me, Love isnt "oh here's some super expensive jewelry, let's go have sex" (yes, I'm stereotyping). If I wanted to show some one I loved them, I'd write a poem, sing them a song, take them to a beautiful place, and just tell them. Love doesn't need expensive things, I mean jewelry is nice, but there's much more truthful ways to get the point across.
A girl told me today that I was her Valentine, in all truth I was horrified. Not at her, she was a very very nice girl, but at the fact that she felt that way, that she looked up to me. I'm a terrible person. So I took her on a walk and explained what had been going on in my life, and I told her that I was just not in the right emotional state for a relationship. Now if I told my friends about this they would have said "what da hell bro!?!? If you're trying to move on than you need to find someone new."
This is true to an extent, It would help. But for one thing, I didn't like her as anything more than a friend, and I would have given her an awful relationship, I'd just be using her to help myself, and no one deserves that.
I truly hope she isn't upset, people tend to lie about their feelings in situations like that.
So overall it was a rather lonely Valentines, but I didn't expect anything more.
Another thing, not washing your hair for a day to make it softer is bull, and really gross. Trust me, especially with hair like mine.
Goodnight, use a condom.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
The Good Stuff
So, I seriously LOVE Sufjan Stevens. I feel bad because there's so many great songs that he has that just putting one on my blog hardly does him justice. Quick fact about me, music is my LIFE, and hence this guy is a bit of an inspiration. In other news, im feeling better about the friend situation, im branching out and meeting new people. Who knows, im very shy, but maybe some of them will understand my overcomplexity and unusual emotional tendencies.
I think if i could listen to good music for the rest of my life, i wouldn't be depressed.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Monday funday?
Today was a very interesting day, I was asked if I was high 3 times, and if I was gay about 4 times, by complete strangers, to all of which I promptly Lol'd and was on my way. I'm not very self concious of my appearence, and I don't do drugs (aside from from excessive amounts of Nyquil). At lunch I spent some time with friends and was generally myself, however, I felt incredibly out if place for some odd reason. And I realized I was hanging out with closed doors, in a sense. None of them really cared for my real personality (well.. Most of them), and were only fond of the facade I put on every day to fit in.
I was suddenly at a loss, and didn't know who I was, acting especially weird. I spent the next period in a daze, attempting to figure myself out, I was obviously overreacting, but I felt oddly alone. I have close to no one to confide in.
By band class I just acted calm and collected, and had a nice chat with some of the few friends who seem as though they know and are accepting of the ME that once was, and is trying to re-emerge.
I'm a bit lost, and very preoccupied. Over what is really not a huge deal, but my brain amplifies things like this. We'll see what happens tomorow.
I was suddenly at a loss, and didn't know who I was, acting especially weird. I spent the next period in a daze, attempting to figure myself out, I was obviously overreacting, but I felt oddly alone. I have close to no one to confide in.
By band class I just acted calm and collected, and had a nice chat with some of the few friends who seem as though they know and are accepting of the ME that once was, and is trying to re-emerge.
I'm a bit lost, and very preoccupied. Over what is really not a huge deal, but my brain amplifies things like this. We'll see what happens tomorow.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
So I decided to take a weekend free of electronic devices, to see if I could handle it.
I'd say I fared quite well; however, many people were upset with my lack of texting, and I recieved a bunch a text asking "what did I do wrong???" or, " eliiiiiii, why don't you answer? Do you hate me???"
Holy ballsack, people in this day and age are so dependant upon their electronics, socializing, working, reading, music, it's all through little machines. While many of these things aren't neccessarily bad, it's socializing that gets me the most.
During the SuperBowl I saw a commercial where this guy goes from one house, to a eatery, and to another house without his eyes ever leaving a screen of some sort. And while this is highly idealized, it's not far from the truth. Everyone is so dependant on their Twitter and Facebooks and Skypes that they often do anything else with their time than sit around, and socialize via Internet. (blogging is excempt, sorta :3)
Now many people spend their time on the Internet doing things that they consider interesting or funny. And while the catagory "interesting" encompasses things like the news, and wikipedia,(and blogs) many things that are considered interesting by the general public are dramatic. Everyone loves a good drama, be it a nasty breakup, a hatered between people or countries, injuries, death. If it's not happening to them (or even if it is realit'ssomethi something they can tweet or make a status about, and feel impressive. They can make jokes about it, which ties into the other half of this poorly executed rant.
This is the big one.
Humor.
Since it's very begginings the Internet has be a place of humor as well as productivity, while much of it is mediocre at best, people seek out humor to brighten days, have a good laugh by themselves or with a friend, etc etc.
Now, I believe humor is a wonderful thing, I love to laugh, although I rarely do so.
However, this love of humor, spanning from amusing videos and lolcats to bizzar pornography, has become a dependance for many. And this I believe, is part of why humor has become so neccessary in every day socializing.
People love to be entertained, and via the Internet, it's just three or so clicks away. I feel that after so much of this occurs on a regular basis, it carries over to Real Life. People want to maintain that level of entertainment, and if it's not happeneing, it's often not worth their time. Now this is most certainly not true for everyone, I know a few people who are the opposite. But I see this everyday. It feels like many people are becoming more machine-like than the iPods and ipads they so desperately cling to.
Now not only is humor a main staple of internet society, but humor has changed. I read the book "Farenheit 451" last year, and was appalled by it's descriptions of the humor of the future. People decapitating each other in various ways. And while in a stylized sense (I.e. A Tarantino film) this can be more acceptable, I realized that this was not very far from much of our humor today. We just look at it differently.
Change, it's everywhere. It's unstoppable, and often a good thing. But at times.. I'm not sure I like the direction our world is headed.
Well I believe I got close to six trains of thought going there.. I apologize if it's confusing, I don't edit my thoughts. It's my brain, deal.
In other news, the superbowl was today. I was relatively indifferent towards the two teams, but I thought they played a good game.
The halftime show was..... Unusual, in my opinion. Far to random as far as guests go, I was half expecting a resurected Tupac and like.. Billy Joel to pop out. Regardless, the LED jumpsuits were awesome.
The week was hectic as usual, but I tend to do most of my thinking whilst doing tons of things/tasks.
I feel like that's a good thing.
I'd say I fared quite well; however, many people were upset with my lack of texting, and I recieved a bunch a text asking "what did I do wrong???" or, " eliiiiiii, why don't you answer? Do you hate me???"
Holy ballsack, people in this day and age are so dependant upon their electronics, socializing, working, reading, music, it's all through little machines. While many of these things aren't neccessarily bad, it's socializing that gets me the most.
During the SuperBowl I saw a commercial where this guy goes from one house, to a eatery, and to another house without his eyes ever leaving a screen of some sort. And while this is highly idealized, it's not far from the truth. Everyone is so dependant on their Twitter and Facebooks and Skypes that they often do anything else with their time than sit around, and socialize via Internet. (blogging is excempt, sorta :3)
Now many people spend their time on the Internet doing things that they consider interesting or funny. And while the catagory "interesting" encompasses things like the news, and wikipedia,(and blogs) many things that are considered interesting by the general public are dramatic. Everyone loves a good drama, be it a nasty breakup, a hatered between people or countries, injuries, death. If it's not happening to them (or even if it is realit'ssomethi something they can tweet or make a status about, and feel impressive. They can make jokes about it, which ties into the other half of this poorly executed rant.
This is the big one.
Humor.
Since it's very begginings the Internet has be a place of humor as well as productivity, while much of it is mediocre at best, people seek out humor to brighten days, have a good laugh by themselves or with a friend, etc etc.
Now, I believe humor is a wonderful thing, I love to laugh, although I rarely do so.
However, this love of humor, spanning from amusing videos and lolcats to bizzar pornography, has become a dependance for many. And this I believe, is part of why humor has become so neccessary in every day socializing.
People love to be entertained, and via the Internet, it's just three or so clicks away. I feel that after so much of this occurs on a regular basis, it carries over to Real Life. People want to maintain that level of entertainment, and if it's not happeneing, it's often not worth their time. Now this is most certainly not true for everyone, I know a few people who are the opposite. But I see this everyday. It feels like many people are becoming more machine-like than the iPods and ipads they so desperately cling to.
Now not only is humor a main staple of internet society, but humor has changed. I read the book "Farenheit 451" last year, and was appalled by it's descriptions of the humor of the future. People decapitating each other in various ways. And while in a stylized sense (I.e. A Tarantino film) this can be more acceptable, I realized that this was not very far from much of our humor today. We just look at it differently.
Change, it's everywhere. It's unstoppable, and often a good thing. But at times.. I'm not sure I like the direction our world is headed.
Well I believe I got close to six trains of thought going there.. I apologize if it's confusing, I don't edit my thoughts. It's my brain, deal.
In other news, the superbowl was today. I was relatively indifferent towards the two teams, but I thought they played a good game.
The halftime show was..... Unusual, in my opinion. Far to random as far as guests go, I was half expecting a resurected Tupac and like.. Billy Joel to pop out. Regardless, the LED jumpsuits were awesome.
The week was hectic as usual, but I tend to do most of my thinking whilst doing tons of things/tasks.
I feel like that's a good thing.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Memories
This song has been one of my very favorites since i was very little, it speaks to me in ways many people don't understand. Ive listened to it every day since i was like...... 10? So i thought, heck, this should go on my Blog.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Sickness
Wow, I never thought I'd actualy feel too sick to write, I'll have to work on that if I want to be a writer..
I have not been feeling well, nor have many others it seems. And in all this time I haven't even accomplished alot of productive thinking, urgh.
Well, one thing that's been on my mind for a long time is how desperate some people are to have attention, or to be accepted by someone they consider superior to them.
People will forget their closest friends just to feel like someone older or cooler than them likes them. Once again, this isn't true for everyone, but in many extracurricular activities, this goes on. Another thing I wonder is if the subject of this appraisal understands what the person is doing, if they enjoy it. Being cool these days is something I found hard to get on board with. As cliche as it is, I'd rather be cool to my friends.
I'll start thinking again soon, in the meantime....... Sleep.
I have not been feeling well, nor have many others it seems. And in all this time I haven't even accomplished alot of productive thinking, urgh.
Well, one thing that's been on my mind for a long time is how desperate some people are to have attention, or to be accepted by someone they consider superior to them.
People will forget their closest friends just to feel like someone older or cooler than them likes them. Once again, this isn't true for everyone, but in many extracurricular activities, this goes on. Another thing I wonder is if the subject of this appraisal understands what the person is doing, if they enjoy it. Being cool these days is something I found hard to get on board with. As cliche as it is, I'd rather be cool to my friends.
I'll start thinking again soon, in the meantime....... Sleep.
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