No Hard Feelings

My, what a week it's already turned Out to be, not to mention we celebrated my favorite holiday....... PI DAY!!!! Heck yeah.
So let me fill in the gap between the past and present that has occurred since my last real post.
And..... I'm drawing a blank.
That normally means it was just ok, and my brain was to lazy to remember it.
We had our first and only Wind Symphony concert, which went over alright. I left early with some friends to party (which means we blasted indie music and spent all our money at Panda Express).
Well, if I remember more I'll post about it, I'm positive there was.
Moving on, recently, as in this past month, I've talked to one of my few friends I can have a real conversation with. She has an absurd amount of patience for me, which I am glad of. We bitch to each other and give each other life help constantly, and she finally convinced me to just pretend to be happy, but put a huge effort into it. Because, she said, you'll find you'reself actually in a better mood by the end of the day. Now, I see the logic, this could potentially work, so I tried it. For two whole weeks I was nothing but smiles (more or less), but each day I went home feeling shittier than the last, I felt like I was lying to everyone.
I couldn't be myself, or another person around my friends. So I gave it up. No one noticed.
But then, this friend (same one from earlier) told my that someone liked me. And I was like, BALLS. But I thought, perhaps I could get to know her? I brought this up with the friend, and she prompty vetoed the idea. Regardless I decided to talk to the girl. As it turned out, she was actually quite cool. She was different, in an odd way. So while maintain the guise of not knowing she liked me, I talked to her. We had some nice conversations to he truthful, not to mention a super romantic hug. But everything we did she'd tell my friend, who accused me of leading her on. I eventually came to the conclusion that I was just going to hurt the poor girl, but I couldn't end it because she didn't know that I knew. So I refrained from talking to her excessively. I watched as she slowly became more and more dejected. Until she got over it. It was awful.
Now I don't normally do this because this is MY brain, but I feel like I should just talk to her, explain it all, and give her a reason, so she's not questioning herself. Would this do any good, or should I just let the situation go, I have an uncontrollable urge to rectify things... Don't get used to me asking questions.

FINALLY.
Im back, hold your applause please.
After pretty much a month of little to no internet connection, i have returned!
HOORAY for the Internets!
I had just returned from a week long ski trip with some friends (Snowboarding trip really), and was super excited to get home and blog about it all.
Everything booted up as usual, my sister's stupid hotmail popup came up, and i opened up a browser.
Them what to my wondering eyes should appear?................. Some computer gibberish about how the internet was not working. This has happened before, so i did the usual turn the router off and on, shake the computer up a bit, restart the entire thing, danced. None of it worked, which i determined was the fault of the router, which was no longer working.
So i walked into the kitchen and gave my dad the

Face.

To which he slowly went to take a look, and came to the same conclusion as i.
Now not wanting to waste any money he ordered the new router with the slowest possible shipping, of all time.
I could have rode my bike to Ohio and back before it got here. (maybe).
Anyways, i have alot to blog about and respond to, so, ill be doing that.
Say a prayer for the Japanese please.

Day Dreams and other thoughts

What an eventful week, band practices every day, a performance today, six tests, i certainly never ran out of things to do. As for the concert we just had tonight, id say it was a mild success. There were plenty of errors, and our teacher was... Fuming, but the parents seemed to enjoy it. And what parent doesn't love seeing there kid make music?....
I was jovial and laughable afterward, but i still don't feel like i fit in with that group of people. Ill just suck it up though, for now, im quite adept at complaining about frivolous things.
I was talking to one of my closest (not very close anymore) friends earlier that day as we walked by Her, i supposed he felt inclined to bring her up because of this. Anyways, he told me all about how he was still friends with her just because her other friends forced him to or something. Which, im sorry, but thats alot of bull.
I love this friend, but i know how he acts around her, ive seen their conversations, he's even said some pretty mean stuff about me to her. Which i understand, everyone wants to be friends with the attractive girl who talks about sex. This has kind of been one of the things that been getting to me lately, all my friends are friends with her. Now many people are in similar situations, but ive seen some of the things they've said about me to her, and it just makes me think.. Are these people really my friends?
I wont tell them these thoughts, it'd just upset everyone.
Something else that's been on my mind, these past two weeks have been really odd. Perhaps its just that ive been so busy, but it feels like im in a really crazy dream, and i cant wake up. Maybe i just need more sleep, or maybe......... Im in Inception..
Everyone as of late seems to regard me the same way they would a........ Ugly Duckling? I couldnt really come up with a good analogy, but im just treated like an outsider. Which i usually am, but now it just feels... unusual.
We'll see what happens.

Thoughts On Valentines Day

Here we are once again, the most romantic day of the year, everything is red and Plush. Lovers give each other huge bouquets of roses and giant cards. And then there's me, the cynical loner, just taking it all in. To me, Valentines Day is amusing. Some of the gifts people give each other are ridiculous, and the dependance on material things is baffling.
To me, Love isnt "oh here's some super expensive jewelry, let's go have sex" (yes, I'm stereotyping). If I wanted to show some one I loved them, I'd write a poem, sing them a song, take them to a beautiful place, and just tell them. Love doesn't need expensive things, I mean jewelry is nice, but there's much more truthful ways to get the point across.
A girl told me today that I was her Valentine, in all truth I was horrified. Not at her, she was a very very nice girl, but at the fact that she felt that way, that she looked up to me. I'm a terrible person. So I took her on a walk and explained what had been going on in my life, and I told her that I was just not in the right emotional state for a relationship. Now if I told my friends about this they would have said "what da hell bro!?!? If you're trying to move on than you need to find someone new."
This is true to an extent, It would help. But for one thing, I didn't like her as anything more than a friend, and I would have given her an awful relationship, I'd just be using her to help myself, and no one deserves that.
I truly hope she isn't upset, people tend to lie about their feelings in situations like that.
So overall it was a rather lonely Valentines, but I didn't expect anything more.
Another thing, not washing your hair for a day to make it softer is bull, and really gross. Trust me, especially with hair like mine.
Goodnight, use a condom.

The Good Stuff

So, I seriously LOVE Sufjan Stevens. I feel bad because there's so many great songs that he has that just putting one on my blog hardly does him justice. Quick fact about me, music is my LIFE, and hence this guy is a bit of an inspiration. In other news, im feeling better about the friend situation, im branching out and meeting new people. Who knows, im very shy, but maybe some of them will understand my overcomplexity and unusual emotional tendencies.
I think if i could listen to good music for the rest of my life, i wouldn't be depressed.

Monday funday?

Today was a very interesting day, I was asked if I was high 3 times, and if I was gay about 4 times, by complete strangers, to all of which I promptly Lol'd and was on my way. I'm not very self concious of my appearence, and I don't do drugs (aside from from excessive amounts of Nyquil). At lunch I spent some time with friends and was generally myself, however, I felt incredibly out if place for some odd reason. And I realized I was hanging out with closed doors, in a sense. None of them really cared for my real personality (well.. Most of them), and were only fond of the facade I put on every day to fit in.
I was suddenly at a loss, and didn't know who I was, acting especially weird. I spent the next period in a daze, attempting to figure myself out, I was obviously overreacting, but I felt oddly alone. I have close to no one to confide in.
By band class I just acted calm and collected, and had a nice chat with some of the few friends who seem as though they know and are accepting of the ME that once was, and is trying to re-emerge.
I'm a bit lost, and very preoccupied. Over what is really not a huge deal, but my brain amplifies things like this. We'll see what happens tomorow.

So I decided to take a weekend free of electronic devices, to see if I could handle it.
I'd say I fared quite well; however, many people were upset with my lack of texting, and I recieved a bunch a text asking "what did I do wrong???" or, " eliiiiiii, why don't you answer? Do you hate me???"
Holy ballsack, people in this day and age are so dependant upon their electronics, socializing, working, reading, music, it's all through little machines. While many of these things aren't neccessarily bad, it's socializing that gets me the most.
During the SuperBowl I saw a commercial where this guy goes from one house, to a eatery, and to another house without his eyes ever leaving a screen of some sort. And while this is highly idealized, it's not far from the truth. Everyone is so dependant on their Twitter and Facebooks and Skypes that they often do anything else with their time than sit around, and socialize via Internet. (blogging is excempt, sorta :3)
Now many people spend their time on the Internet doing things that they consider interesting or funny. And while the catagory "interesting" encompasses things like the news, and wikipedia,(and blogs) many things that are considered interesting by the general public are dramatic. Everyone loves a good drama, be it a nasty breakup, a hatered between people or countries, injuries, death. If it's not happening to them (or even if it is realit'ssomethi something they can tweet or make a status about, and feel impressive. They can make jokes about it, which ties into the other half of this poorly executed rant.
This is the big one.
Humor.
Since it's very begginings the Internet has be a place of humor as well as productivity, while much of it is mediocre at best, people seek out humor to brighten days, have a good laugh by themselves or with a friend, etc etc.
Now, I believe humor is a wonderful thing, I love to laugh, although I rarely do so.
However, this love of humor, spanning from amusing videos and lolcats to bizzar pornography, has become a dependance for many. And this I believe, is part of why humor has become so neccessary in every day socializing.
People love to be entertained, and via the Internet, it's just three or so clicks away. I feel that after so much of this occurs on a regular basis, it carries over to Real Life. People want to maintain that level of entertainment, and if it's not happeneing, it's often not worth their time. Now this is most certainly not true for everyone, I know a few people who are the opposite. But I see this everyday. It feels like many people are becoming more machine-like than the iPods and ipads they so desperately cling to.
Now not only is humor a main staple of internet society, but humor has changed. I read the book "Farenheit 451" last year, and was appalled by it's descriptions of the humor of the future. People decapitating each other in various ways. And while in a stylized sense (I.e. A Tarantino film) this can be more acceptable, I realized that this was not very far from much of our humor today. We just look at it differently.
Change, it's everywhere. It's unstoppable, and often a good thing. But at times.. I'm not sure I like the direction our world is headed.
Well I believe I got close to six trains of thought going there.. I apologize if it's confusing, I don't edit my thoughts. It's my brain, deal.
In other news, the superbowl was today. I was relatively indifferent towards the two teams, but I thought they played a good game.
The halftime show was..... Unusual, in my opinion. Far to random as far as guests go, I was half expecting a resurected Tupac and like.. Billy Joel to pop out. Regardless, the LED jumpsuits were awesome.
The week was hectic as usual, but I tend to do most of my thinking whilst doing tons of things/tasks.
I feel like that's a good thing.