Well I certainly didn't think I'd actually get around to blogging tonight, mostly due to my ridiculous schedule and pure lameness. But anyways, some..... Crazy stuff just down. As in within this last hour.
So I'm hanging out on my bed studying some AP Euro, when my cell phone rings, which is a rather unusual occurrence. Now when I pick it up, the person on the other end is a girl who is in band with me. A very quiet type, I'd honestly not spoken 10 words to the girl, but I'd always thought her very nice (she's a year older than me mind you).
So she tells about how her two good friends were asking MY two best friends to Prom, and was wondering if I'd like to go with her................
*insert me freaking out*
I was just like "WHAT????????????? PROM?????????"
And my face removed itself from my body.
Now in reality I calmly told her I'd be delighted, and we talked for a little while (which was kind of akward but very nice). Now after I hung up I just kind of sat in a dazed stupor. PROM??? I mean. Who would even consider me??? Especially this girl whom I hardly knew.
Now while I was freaking out I was also ecstatic. I was super excited. I mean, PROM!!!
with this girl, this could possibly be super awesome. Perhaps even a chance to finally move on completely. Nit to mention my two best friends in the world would be going with me. It was to good to be true.
Unfortunately, it was.
I looked at my calendar to write down the date, and realized that my Uncle's wedding was the exact same day. In Pittsburg, and I was attending. I had no say in the matter.
So I stared at my phone for twenty minutes trying to think of what to say, and then called the girl back and told her....... She sounded so sad...... I felt, feel, awful. That I had led her on like that. Not to mention, all those grand plans ruined....
But I suppose that's life.
Goodnight.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
....... WOW......
As the title so adeptly states....... WOW...... Its been a while. I mean, its been a few months since ive even thought about going on this site. WOH WOH WEE WOH, everything has changed...... Not really.
It was interesting to reread some entries from months long past. I sounded..... Kinda Whiny. But I know i had at least a half decent reason.
I wont lie, the reason for my absence was well...... I just didnt want to do it anymore. I thought perhaps if i just rid myself of any ties to the world of emotional instability, it would bring about that change i hoped for. I just thought "Heck, i dont need this to feel better, I'm the one that will make myself feel better, so i need to get out and do it." Which until that point had seemed like a hopeless cause.
Now the reason for the changed in mindset actually came partially from the viewers of this blog ( Which i cant thank you enough for listening to my disheartening ramblings, if anyone still remembers this exists hah), as well as a good friend. Now this friend is the older brother of my main man, my bread and butter as it were (best friend). Now this guy has done it all, he's traveled all over, worked all sorts of intriguing jobs, and quite letter had sex with more women than i have friends (that sounds unimpressive, so we'll say ALOT of women).
But this guy isnt a playa, or a sex crazed asshole, he's a devoted family man who kind to everyone, and tries to help people wherever he goes. He's a very awesome dude in general. Now i finally got the courage to tell this guy about my predicament, and how frustrated i was that i still got terrible pangs of sadness. So he told me that i was depending to much on other people to make me happy. He said that yes, other people can try to make you happy, or can complete you, but only YOU can make yourself happy. And that doesn't mean just being loner. YOU need to accept the help of others and apply it to your life, you cant just ride on them, hoping it'll make you happier. Now im doing him an injustice be repeating all this in the way im doing it, but the way he said it... There was just something that CLICKED. And i decided to use that mindset in my life from that point on. And its helped, im become gradually happier with each day that passes. Some other stuff happened.. but im falling asleep at the keyboard, so ill save it. Have a good one.
It was interesting to reread some entries from months long past. I sounded..... Kinda Whiny. But I know i had at least a half decent reason.
I wont lie, the reason for my absence was well...... I just didnt want to do it anymore. I thought perhaps if i just rid myself of any ties to the world of emotional instability, it would bring about that change i hoped for. I just thought "Heck, i dont need this to feel better, I'm the one that will make myself feel better, so i need to get out and do it." Which until that point had seemed like a hopeless cause.
Now the reason for the changed in mindset actually came partially from the viewers of this blog ( Which i cant thank you enough for listening to my disheartening ramblings, if anyone still remembers this exists hah), as well as a good friend. Now this friend is the older brother of my main man, my bread and butter as it were (best friend). Now this guy has done it all, he's traveled all over, worked all sorts of intriguing jobs, and quite letter had sex with more women than i have friends (that sounds unimpressive, so we'll say ALOT of women).
But this guy isnt a playa, or a sex crazed asshole, he's a devoted family man who kind to everyone, and tries to help people wherever he goes. He's a very awesome dude in general. Now i finally got the courage to tell this guy about my predicament, and how frustrated i was that i still got terrible pangs of sadness. So he told me that i was depending to much on other people to make me happy. He said that yes, other people can try to make you happy, or can complete you, but only YOU can make yourself happy. And that doesn't mean just being loner. YOU need to accept the help of others and apply it to your life, you cant just ride on them, hoping it'll make you happier. Now im doing him an injustice be repeating all this in the way im doing it, but the way he said it... There was just something that CLICKED. And i decided to use that mindset in my life from that point on. And its helped, im become gradually happier with each day that passes. Some other stuff happened.. but im falling asleep at the keyboard, so ill save it. Have a good one.
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